Strange Valentine’s Day Gifts More Exciting Than Chocolates & Roses
From succulent sex toys to egg-laying dildos, here are some erotic presents that will take your date night from “Wow” to “WTF?!”
By Allyson Larcom
Valentine’s Day is on the horizon. Have you bought a gift for your partner yet? If you haven’t, is it because you can’t figure out quite what to get? Roses are trite, chocolates are too easy. And of course you can’t repeat the gift you bought them last year. So what are you to do? Read this list.
We’ve rounded up a handful of unique, romantic, and definitively odd tchotkes that would make for swell-if-not-surprising presents for any loved one this Valentine’s Day. More novel than useful, your partner may or may not end up actually using/eating/drinking these gifts, but so what? It’s the “WTF?” factor that counts, and we guarantee it’ll be a gift they’ll never forget.
5 Strange Valentine’s Day Gifts
(Art: Sacred Sadism)
Sex toys made of plants
Why get your Valentine flowers when you could get something a little more multi-purpose instead? Sacred Sadism makes butt plugs out of carved wood and succulents (like aloe vera) that are as beautiful as they are useful. They also make wooden dildos capped with long, swishy grass, ruler-style paddles embedded with ferns and carnations, and “anal seeds” that look like some kind of seaweed you’d find washed up on the beach. Made with all-natural, recycled materials, these sex toys are also eco-friendly, so you can feel good about this purchase. Get your date a bouquet of these beauties instead of boring old flowers and have a wild, botanical night.
(Art: Edible Anus)
Chocolate buttholes
These chocolates by the British brand Edible Anus give a whole new meaning to the term “eating ass.” Available in milk, dark, and white chocolate, each bite is shaped and sized to look like a real human butthole. It would be cool if you could get some made to resemble your own “brown eye,” but alas, that’s not yet a possibility. Instead, you’ll have to settle for the company’s standard assholes, which are actually molded after one belonging to woman who sat next to the chocolate’s founder, Magnus Irvin, on the bus one day. He told her his strange chocolate idea and she agreed to let him cast her anus. Since then, all subsequent cocoa-holes have been based on her casting. The best part? She doesn’t even know that her ass is now being eaten by sugar addicts worldwide.
Potentially deathly sushi
If you’re hoping for an exotic Valentine’s Day, consider eating fugu. This variety of blowfish can be deadly if not prepared correctly, but in the hands of the right sushi chef, it’s considered a delicacy. It’s also considered an aphrodisiac. Whether the thrill comes from something in the fish itself or simply from the adrenaline of knowing you might die from eating it, is, however, unclear. Guess you’ll just have to try it yourself to find out.
(Art: Vanulay)
Naughty bits soaps
Hankering for a more D.I.Y. gift? What about making soap for your loved one in the shape of a vagina or a dick? Because yes, you can buy silicon molds in both shapes — and they even sell them on Amazon. If soap-making isn’t your thing, you can also use the molds to make chocolates, candles, jello shots, or cakes. And if you’re really ambitious, try making a mold of your own you-know-what to add a real personal spin to your gift.
(Art: Primal Hardwere)
Egg-laying dildos
Have you or your partner ever fantasized about doing it with an alien? Or the fish-man from The Shape of Water? If either answer was a yes, consider the Ovipositor dildo by Primal Hardwere. Far from your normal sex toy, this dildo plays on alien insemination fantasies by literally laying gelatine eggs inside the person using the device. It was invented by-request from Primal Hardwere’s customers, and has been surprisingly popular among users. It now comes in three different models and is one of the brand’s best-selling toys. And it’s totally safe if the “eggs” remain inside of you—they’re harmless and will just melt away after enough time.
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