What’s Sex Got To Do With Disability Rights?

The bold moves some countries are taking to connect disabled people with sex workers.

By Jacqueline Gualtieri

Art: Zootghost

One of the biggest misconceptions that people have about disabled persons is that they’re simply not having sex. That, it turns out, couldn’t be further from the truth.

“The fact is that disabled people are having sex all the time,” explains Katie Tastrom, a disabled sex worker who works under the name Kitty Milford. 

“I also think that people don't realize how many sex workers are actually disabled. It's pretty common for sex workers to have some type of disabling impairment, just as it's common for non-sex workers to be disabled.”

It is indeed common to find sex workers with some form of disability, and, in many cases, this is due not only to choice but to necessity. 

As of 2016, 26.6% of non-institutionalized disabled adults lived below the poverty line, with many struggling to be approved for disability benefits, while also experiencing the piling up of medical bills. And, without proper documentation on their conditions, people with disabilities can be fired from their jobs due to those disabilities.

But what about people with disabilities who don’t go into sex work, but who experience the stigma that, as Tastrom says, “disabled people are all asexual”? 

Being disabled and having sexual desires are not mutually exclusive. (Flickr/Apollo Scribe)

While, of course, disabled persons can be asexual, just as anyone else can, the assumption that disabled people can’t or don’t want to have any form of sexual activity is not true — and can be damaging to their quality of life.

The opportunity for a person with disabilities to see a sex worker is a chance to overcome that stigma and experience intimacy that may otherwise be difficult for them to obtain. Moreover, because it’s common to find disabled sex workers, it’s a chance for a disabled client to experience what disability justice activist Mia Mingus calls "access intimacy.”

Access intimacy is described as a feeling of connection, sexual or otherwise, between sick or disabled people who have understandings based on shared experiences and how ableism permeates their lives.

In Tastrom’s experience, she feels that her own disability allows her to better be in tune with the needs of her disabled clients, and indeed all clients. 

“I don't take anything about their body or mind for granted,” she says. “I think because I am disabled, I know that all bodies are different so I try to tune in to what works for each client, disabled or not.”

Unlike the United States, other countries have embraced the opportunity for disabled clients to use the services of sex workers legally.

In the United Kingdom, sex work is legal, but with certain nuances. It is not legal if the client is deemed to lack mental capacity, but who gets to decide who has mental capacity and what does mental capacity mean? The term is a nebulous one which causes issues in a court of law. However, the legality of sex work in the U.K. has still allowed for the creation of services like TLC Trust, which connects disabled clients to service providers.

In addition to her speciality in sex work, Katie Tastrom also does consulting for disability and non-profit related issues. (Credit: Katie Tastrom)

In the Netherlands, sex work is not only legalized, but it’s subsidized by the government. Citizens with disabilities can use benefits for access to specially-trained sex workers and these certified “sexual assistants” can conduct visits to disabled people who are otherwise unable to pay the sex workers themselves.

Following a court ruling in Australia in May of 2020, National Disability Insurance Scheme funds can now be used for specialized sex worker services in the country. Due to this decision, not only are differently abled people able to access services from sex workers, but they are able to receive government help to do so. Sex workers provide receipts from their interactions, further preventing those who seek sex worker services from being stuck in the dark.

Touching Base, an organization in New South Wales, is a resource that not only links clients with sex workers in their areas, but also provides training for sex workers to help them meet the needs of clients with a wide range of disabilities.

In Australia, the national insurance plan covers sex work for the disabled. (Flickr/ CafeCredit.com)

For Phoebe Mae, the decision to work with Touching Base was a simple one.

“Within my civilian work, I have worked with a number of people with a range of disabilities and I have long been an advocate for the rights of disabled persons, so offering services to differently abled clients is a natural extension of my own personal beliefs with regards to equality for people with disabilities,” she tells OK Whatever. 

Her first experience with a disabled client was with a man who is considered profoundly deaf.

“As a relatively new provider, seeing a client with a hearing disability was somewhat confronting,” Mae recalls. 

“I looked up and implemented some basic AUSLAN signs (Australian sign language) and he assured me he could lip read, so I knew I would need to articulate clearly so that he could lip read. This client now sees me on a semi-regular basis and we have built up a good understanding of how to communicate best.”

Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, Mae  — who is not disabled herself — has continued to be a pillar of support for her deaf client, both virtually and in-person. 

“Being able to help my current client move past the breakdown of his marriage and not be able to see his children in recent times due to border closures has been rewarding,” she says. “No 'kink' involved, just 'listening by reading' and providing sympathy and cuddles (sometimes via text, too, when we were in hard lockdown in Victoria) has been very rewarding.” 

Sex work for disabled clients is somewhat of a misnomer, because, as Mae has experienced with her own clients, the work of creating mutual respect and forging a relationship is not limited by sex itself. 

Disability takes many shapes, which is why working with disabled clients requires a great deal of communication. Not all disabilities can be seen by the eye in the way that a wheelchair can be seen. The number of hidden or invisible disabilities is vast, with some of the most common being anxiety disorders, diabetes, and cystic fibrosis. Invisible disabilities, though they may not be apparent to a sex worker at first, still require a high level of communication.

For Australian sex worker Ava Bell, who has invisible disabilities herself, her first experience with a disabled client taught her that level of communication can be jarring at the start but is crucial, particularly with sexual experiences being so personal to each client. While working as a BDSM practitioner in a dungeon, she was met with a paraplegic who was also a masochist, and, as such, wanted her to inflict pain on him. 

Sydney-based sex worker Ava Bell describes herself as an “erotic companion.” (Ava Bell)

According to Bell, the idea of inflicting pain on someone who was wheelchair-bound “felt wrong somehow.” However, that was just in the beginning. She quickly realized that this client, just like any other client, deserved to experience what they wanted.

“I took his lead by asking him if he would like me to do those things to him. If he said yes, I did. It was a lesson for me in understanding that he knows his body, what he enjoys, and what he is capable of better than I do,” Bell says.

“As well it was a reminder for me that regardless of how someone appears, they deserve to be treated with the same respect as any other client.”

As sex workers strive to tune into the needs of their clients, they open up a dialogue that can help defeat stigmas surrounding the erotic lives of disabled persons. With the paths Australia and other countries have taken to allow people with disabilities to fulfill their sexual needs, the fight for disability rights can grow, showing just how much sex work rights are entwined with disability rights.

JACQUELINE GUALTIERI IS A BAY AREA-BASED WRITER WHO'S STILL A JERSEY GIRL AT HEART. SHE'S ALSO BEEN A PRESCHOOL TEACHER, A LIBRARIAN, AN INFLUENCER GHOST WRITER, AND A DIGITAL MEDIA MARKETER.

ZOOTGHOST’S WORK REVOLVES AROUND SOCIAL COMMENTARY, DARK HUMOR, AND SKATEBOARDING. 

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